The joke thread

[Graehstone]

" Dog cross breeds "

What Do you get when you mix a...

Collie + Lhasa Apso = Collapso, a dog that folds up for easy transport

Labrador Retriever + Curly Coated Retriever = Lab Coat Retriever, the choice of
research scientists

Newfoundland + Basset Hound = Newfound Asset Hound, a dog for financial
advisors

Terrier + Bulldog = Terribull, a dog that makes awful mistakes

Pointer X Setter = Poinsetter, a traditional Christmas pet.

Great Pyrenees X Dachshund = Pyradachs, a puzzling breed.

Pekingnese X Lhasa Apso = Peekasso, an abstract dog.

Bloodhound X Labrador = Blabador, a dog that barks incessantly.

Malamute X Pointer = Moot Point, owned by....oh, well, it doesn't matter anyway.

Collie X Malamute = Commute, a dog that travels to work.

Bull Terrier + Shitzu = Oh, never mind....

[cb977]

That was a good one!

[GreggC]

[Jo Ann]

Today my co-worker at work gave me an “Employee Performance Evaluation Form” I thought it was funny as heck…because it has strong language content I can't post it…I thought about toning down the language but I think its best read as it was written other wise it loses its punch… if anybody would like a copy just tell me and I will e-mail you a form…

[GreggC]

progress report on a child.

[Graehstone]

A group of Americans were traveling by tour bus through Holland. As they stopped at a cheese farm, a young guide led them through the process of cheese making, explaining that goat's milk was used.
She showed the group a lively hillside where many goats were grazing. "These" she explained "are the older goats put out to pasture when they no longer produce." The guide then asked, "What do you do in America with your old goats?" A spry old gentleman answered, "They send us on bus tours."

[GreggC]

A man with a winking problem is applying for a position as a sales representative for a large firm. The interviewer looks over his papers and says, "This is phenomenal. You've graduated from the best schools, your recommendations are wonderful, and your experience is unparalleled. Normally we'd hire you without a second thought. However, a sales representative is a highly visible position, and we're afraid that your constant winking will scare off potential customers. I'm sorry...we can't hire you."
"But wait," he said. "If I take two aspirin, I'll stop winking!"
"Really? Great! Show me!"
So the applicant reaches into his jacket pocket and begins pulling out all sorts of condoms: red condoms, blue condoms, ribbed condoms, flavored condoms; finally at the bottom, he finds a packet of aspirin. He tears it open, swallows the pills and stops winking.
"Well," said the interviewer, "that's all well and good, but the company is a respectable company, and we will not have our employees womanizing all over the country!"
"Womanizing? What do you mean? I'm a happily married man!"
"Well, then, how do you explain all these condoms?"
"Oh, that," he sighed. "Have you ever walked into a pharmacy, winking and asked for aspirin?"

[Jerry Delaney]

A tough, old cowboy once counseled his grandson that if he wanted to live a long life, the secret was to sprinkle a pinch of gunpowder on his oatmeal every morning.

The grandson did this religiously and lived to the age of 110.

He left four children, 20 grandchildren, 30 great grandchildren, 10
great great grandchildren and a 50 foot hole where the crematorium used to be.

[Ludisia]

[GreggC]

To my friends who enjoy a glass of wine...and to those who don't.
As Ben Franklin said, "In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is freedom, in water there is bacteria."
In a number of carefully controlled trials, scientists have demonstrated that if we drink 1 liter of water each day, at the end of the year, we would have absorbed more than 1 kilo of Escherichia coli (E coli)- bacteria found in feces. In other words, we are consuming a kilo of poop.
However, we do NOT run that risk when drinking wine and beer(or tequila, rum, whiskey or other liquor) because alcohol has to go through a purification process of boiling, filtering and/or fermenting.
Remember, water=poop, wine=health. Therefore, it is better to drink wine and talk stupid than to drink water and be full of poop. (I'm gonna start drinking again, soon) There is no reason to thank me for this valuable information-I'm doing it as a public service.