Something's missing...oh yeah FLOWERS!

[AaronM]

I always thought that all orchids flower but apparently that's not true. Some like my Grammatophylum only grow leaves. Others like my Vandas only grow roots (which then grow roots themselves [which often grow roots as well]). While still others grow both roots, and leaves in abundance like my Phalenopsis. The one thing that twenty five of my thirty orchids have in common is that they don't seem to flower. Ever.
I'm a pretty patient guy but I really think my wife believes my hobby is growing funky and not terrible attractive foliage plants. All she sees are baskets of green leaves hanging in front of the house, huge masses of roots hanging on the back patio, a terrarium full an odd assortment of mostly sickly looking plant in my study where the computer is supposed to be, and pots of leaves and slabs of bark with leaves growing out of them hanging all over the house. (Any English teachers out there feel free to use the above sentence during your next class on run on sentences.)
Meanwhile we go to dinner at our friends' house and they have this lovely Phal. covered in flower which they throw into the bushes each year when it finishes flowering and retrieve it the next time it flowers. THEY THROW IT INTO THE BUSHES AND IT FLOWERS!!! No fertilizer, no twice daily mistings, no $1,200 speakers playing rain forest sound effect 24/7, no half hour leaf massages. It's like losing an archery competition to a blind person whose throwing the arrows at the target! (Yes, that's right, I used the "B" word. I'm a troglodyte, I know.)
I average about forty-five minutes a day caring for orchids that do nothing more than take ten percent of my paycheck every two weeks. So, any words of advice or encouragement you could offer would be appreciated. As long as you don't use the words patient, patience, patiently, or any phrase resembling "orchids thrive on neglect". I've seen what neglected orchids look like and "appalling" is a more accurate description than "thriving". Besides, if the flowers come without any effort on my part, what is there to brag about?

Thanks,
AaronM

Please enjoy this photo gallery of funky foliage plants.