The joke thread

[Des]

That is brilliant !! Reminds me I had an op to remove my tonsils when I was 25 years old . When I woke up in a general ward after the op , there was this beautiful young nurse hovering over me,Asking me if I was ok . I told her that I was very cold and pulling the blankets back I asked her to climb in to keep me warm!!! The rest of the guys in the ward never let me me forget my request and also all I got was an extra blanket and a black look!

[kavanaru]

LOL when I had my tonsils OP. I remember that at the beginning of the general narcosis the doctor asked how I was feeling and I said it was like the first time I had taken an Ecstasy pill... next I remember, was after the OP the Doctor telling me: you know what, your parent are good friends of mine, so I will never tell them you have taken Ecstasy, but if I find out you keep doing it the next time you are here I will remove your other balls...

[Dorothy]

[kavanaru]

It was entertainment time at the Day Centre for the elderly , and the

Amazing Claude was topping the bill. People came from miles around to see the famed hypnotist do his stuff. As Claude went to the front of the meeting room, he announced, 'Unlike most hypnotists who invite two or three people up here to be put into a trance, I intend to hypnotize each and every member of the audience.'

The excitement was almost electric as Claude withdrew a beautiful antique pocket watch from his coat.

'I want you each to keep your eye on this antique watch. It's a very special watch. It's been in my family for six generations.' He began to swing the watch gently back and forth while quietly chanting, 'Watch the watch, watch the watch, watch the watch ...'

The crowd became mesmerized as the watch swayed back and forth, light gleaming off its polished surface. Hundreds of pairs of eyes followed the

swaying watch, until, suddenly, it slipped from the hypnotist's fingers and fell to the floor, breaking into a hundred pieces.


'Shit,' said the Hypnotist.


It took three days to clean up the Day Centre.

[masda]

Nice one

[dmc]

I don't care who you are. That's funny.

Diane

[kavanaru]

Originally Posted by dmc

I don't care who you are. That's funny.

Diane

me neither... I stopped caring who I am loooong ago...

just enjoy it!

[cb977]

The family wheeled Grandma out on the lawn, in her wheelchair, where the activities for her 100th birthday were taking place. Grandma couldn't speak very well, but she would write notes when she needed to communicate.

After a short time out on the lawn, Grandma started leaning off to the right, so some family members grabbed her, straightened her up, and stuffed pillows on her right.

A short time later, she started leaning off to her left, so again the family grabbed her and stuffed pillows on her left.

Soon she started leaning forward, so the family members again grabbed her, and then tied a pillowcase around her waist to hold her up.

A nephew who arrived late came up to Grandma and said, 'Hi, Grandma, you're looking good ! How are they treating you?'

Grandma took out her little notepad and slowly wrote a note to the nephew...... .
.
.
.

'B*****ds won't let me fart.'

[Dorothy]

[bonsai1504]

good one sue!