The joke thread
Login
User Name
Password   


Registration is FREE. Click to become a member of OrchidBoard community
(You're NOT logged in)

menu menu

Sponsor
Donate Now
and become
Forum Supporter.

The joke thread
Many perks!
<...more...>


Sponsor
 

Google


Fauna Top Sites
Register The joke thread Members The joke thread The joke thread Today's PostsThe joke thread The joke thread The joke thread
LOG IN/REGISTER TO CLOSE THIS ADVERTISEMENT
Go Back   Orchid Board - Most Complete Orchid Forum on the web ! > >
Reply
 
Thread Tools Rating: Thread Rating: 3 votes, 4.00 average. Display Modes
  #421  
Old 07-19-2008, 12:10 PM
cb977's Avatar
cb977 cb977 is offline
Senior Member
 

Join Date: Apr 2006
Zone: 9a
Location: Spring Hill, FL
Posts: 17,222
Default

The doctor said, 'Tom, the good news is I can cure your headaches. The bad news is that it will require castration.

You have a very rare condition which causes your testicles to press on your spine and the pressure creates one hell of a headache.

The only way to relieve the pressure is to remove the testicles.

Tom was shocked and depressed. He wondered if he had anything to live for. He had no choice but to go under the knife.

When he left the hospital, he was without a headache for the first time in 20 years, but he felt like he was missing an important part of himself.
As he walked down the street, he realized that he felt like a different person. He could make a new beginning and live a new life.

He saw a men's clothing store and thought, 'That's what I need... a new suit.' He entered the shop and told the salesman, 'I'd like a new suit.'

The elderly tailor eyed him briefly and said, 'Let's see...size 40 short.'

Tom laughed, 'That's right, how did you know?'

'Been in the business 60 years!' the tailor said.

Tom tried on the suit; it fit perfectly.

As Tom admired himself in the mirror, the salesman asked, 'How about a new shirt?'

Tom thought for a moment and then said, 'Sure.'

The salesman eyed Tom and said, 'Let's see, 32 sleeves and 14-1/2 neck.'

Tom was surprised, 'That's right, how did you know?'
' Been in the business 60 years.'

Tom tried on the shirt, and it fit perfectly.
Tom walked comfortably around the shop, and the salesman asked, 'How about some new underwear?'

Tom thought for a moment and said, 'Sure.'

The salesman said, 'Let's see...size 32.'

Tom laughed 'Ah ha! I got you, I've worn a size 30 since I was 18 years old.'

The salesman shook his head, 'You can't wear size 30. A size 30 would press your testicles up against the base of your spine and give you one hell of a headache.'

New suit - $400
New shirt - $36
New underwear - $6
Second opinion - PRICELESS

Reply With Quote
  #422  
Old 07-19-2008, 12:28 PM
kavanaru kavanaru is offline
Senior Member
 

Join Date: Oct 2007
Zone: 7b
Posts: 3,623
Default

LOL that's excellent!

but please, tell where you get suit for 400$ and underwear for 6$!!!! :-)))))
Reply With Quote
  #423  
Old 07-25-2008, 10:28 AM
cb977's Avatar
cb977 cb977 is offline
Senior Member
 

Join Date: Apr 2006
Zone: 9a
Location: Spring Hill, FL
Posts: 17,222
Default ...and then the fight started

When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive....so, I took her to a gas station.....

And then the fight started....



After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my
wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later. The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application.

When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office. She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten
disability, too'

And then the fight started.....



My wife and I were sitting at a table a t my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table. My wife asked,' Do you know her?' 'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.'

'My God!' says my wife, 'Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?'

And then the fight started.....



I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out
of his car. You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny?

Yeah, well I couldn't believe it.... he was a DWARF!!!
He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, 'I AM NOT HAPPY!!!'

So, I looked down at him and said, 'Well, then which one are you?'

And then the fight started.....

Reply With Quote
  #424  
Old 07-31-2008, 04:00 PM
flhiker flhiker is offline
Senior Member
 

Join Date: Feb 2007
Zone: 10b
Location: South Florida
Posts: 3,667
Default

She was Sooooooooooooooo Blonde .

* She thought a quarterback was a refund.

* She thought General Motors was in the army.

* She thought Meow Mix was a CD for cats.

* She thought Boyz II Men was a day care center.

* At the bottom of an application where it says 'Sign here:' she wrote 'Sagittarius.'

She Was Soooooooooooooooo Blonde...

* She took the ruler to bed to see how long she slept.

* She sent a fax with a stamp on it.

* Under 'education' on her job application, she put 'Hooked On Phonics.'

She was Sooooooooooooooooo Blonde...

* She tripped over a cordless phone.

* She spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice can because it said 'Concentrate.'

* She told me to meet her at the corner of 'WALK' and 'DON'T WALK.'

* She tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order.

She was Sooooooooooooooooooo Blonde...

* She studied for a blood test.

* She sold the car for gas money.

* When she missed bus #44 she took bus #22 twice instead.

* When she went to the airport and saw a sign that said, 'Airport Left,' she turned around and went home.

She Was Sooooooooooooooooooo Blonde...

* When she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved

* She thought if she spoke her mind, she'd be speechless.

* She thought that she could not use her AM radio in the evening.

* She had a shirt that said 'TGIF,' which she thought stood for 'This Goes In Front.'

AND MY PERSONAL FAVORITE:

She is soooooooooooooooooooooo Blonde..

She thinks Taco Bell is the Mexican phone company!
Reply With Quote
  #425  
Old 07-31-2008, 04:42 PM
cb977's Avatar
cb977 cb977 is offline
Senior Member
 

Join Date: Apr 2006
Zone: 9a
Location: Spring Hill, FL
Posts: 17,222
Default

Don't know why but blonde jokes just crack me up!

Sorry to all my blonde friends out there
Reply With Quote
  #426  
Old 07-31-2008, 06:37 PM
shakkai shakkai is offline
Senior Member
 

Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Winchester, UK
Posts: 2,993
Default

Too funny!! Great ones, Dave. But all the blondes I know are really smart!
Reply With Quote
  #427  
Old 07-31-2008, 06:47 PM
kavanaru kavanaru is offline
Senior Member
 

Join Date: Oct 2007
Zone: 7b
Posts: 3,623
Default

to compensate with Dave's joke...

In the latest Medical Congress in Atlanta, an investigator presented the first evidence of Blond-genes in men to the international medical audience: Pictures of women with black and blue marks around the bellybutton!
Reply With Quote
  #428  
Old 07-31-2008, 09:19 PM
flhiker flhiker is offline
Senior Member
 

Join Date: Feb 2007
Zone: 10b
Location: South Florida
Posts: 3,667
Default

Play This Tic Tac Toe Game Its fun

http://stuff.pyzam.com/toys/tictacscare.swf
Reply With Quote
  #429  
Old 07-31-2008, 11:17 PM
susiep susiep is offline
Senior Member
 

Join Date: Feb 2008
Zone: 10b
Location: Weston, Florida
Posts: 1,181
Default

Dave!
Reply With Quote
  #430  
Old 07-31-2008, 11:54 PM
flhiker flhiker is offline
Senior Member
 

Join Date: Feb 2007
Zone: 10b
Location: South Florida
Posts: 3,667
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by susiep View Post
Dave!
Yes!
Reply With Quote
Reply

Bookmarks

Tags
belt, crackup, joke, nice, thread


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Pyrex and orchids: Blown glass thread MaestroMcD Orchid Lounge 14 06-02-2012 06:13 PM
Photo contest-Jan '11 - Chat Thread RosieC Contests & Polls 18 02-22-2011 10:59 PM
Starting a general Photography hints thread Ross Photography 72 08-26-2010 06:06 PM
updating thread VickiC About this board 7 07-22-2009 05:16 PM
update to thread "ORDERED!" VickiC Greenhouse Gardening 20 06-18-2009 11:28 AM

All times are GMT -4. The time now is 09:45 PM.

© 2007 OrchidBoard.com
Search Engine Optimisation provided by DragonByte SEO v2.0.37 (Lite) - vBulletin Mods & Addons Copyright © 2024 DragonByte Technologies Ltd.
Feedback Buttons provided by Advanced Post Thanks / Like (Lite) - vBulletin Mods & Addons Copyright © 2024 DragonByte Technologies Ltd.

Clubs vBulletin Plugins by Drive Thru Online, Inc.