The joke thread

[Tindomul]

That last one is scary! LoL

[GreggC]

[GreggC]

A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, "Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle and I can't figure out how to get it started." Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?" The blonde says, "According to the box, it's a tiger."

Her boyfriend decides to go over and help her with the puzzle. She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table. He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a tiger."

He takes her hand and says, "Second, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of tea, and then.." He sighed......."Let's put all the Frosted Flakes back in the box....."

[Des]

Lotsa power failures here in sa the power company escom calls it loadshedding .
Anyway man dies and goes to hell . Sees this being with horns poking out of its head. "who are you " he asks
"I wil give you one clue " the being says " I am known as the prince of darkness" "oh " Says the man "you must be from escom.

What is the difference between the Titanic and SA .................. Titanic went down with its lights on !

[GreggC]

Last night, my wife and I were sitting in the living room and I said to her, "I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle. She got up, unplugged the TV and threw my beer out.

A guy falls asleep on a beach for several hours and gets a horrible sunburn. He is taken to the hospital by ambulance and is promptly admitted after having been diagnosed with second degree burns. With his skin already starting to blister and noting the severe pain he is in, the doctorgoes ahead and prescribes continuous intravenous feeding with saline, electrolytes, a seditive and a Viagra pill every four hours. The nurse, who is rather astounded, asks, "What good will Viagra do for him now, Doctor?"
"It will keep the sheets off his legs."

[GreggC]

Kentucky:
The owner of a golf course in Kentucky was confused about paying an invoice, so he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help. He called her into his office and said, "You graduated from the University of Kentucky and I need some help. If I were to give you $20,000 minus 14%, how much would you take off?" The secretary thought for a moment and said, "Everything but my earrings."
Alabama:
A group of Alabama friends were deer hunting and paired off in twos for the day. That night, one of the hunters returned alone, staggering under the weight of a \n eight-point buck.
"Where's Henry?" the others asked. "He had a stroke of some kind. He's a couple of miles back up the trail," the successful hunter replied. "You left Henry laying there and carried the deer back? they inquired. "A tough call," nodded the hunter. "But I figured no one was going to steal Henry!"
Mississippi:
The young man from Mississippi came running in the store and said to his buddy, "Bubba, someone just stole your pickup truck from the parking lot!" Bubba replied, "Did you see who it was?" The uyoung man answered, "I couldn't tell, but I got the license number."
Tennessee:
A Tennessee trooper pulled over a pickup on I-65. The trooper asked the driver, "Got any I.D.?" The driver replied, "Bout What?"

[flhiker]

THE POTATO

Well, Girl Potato and Boy Potato had eyes for each other, and finally
They got married, and had a little sweet potato, which they called
'Yam.' Of course, they wanted the best for Yam.

When it was time, they told her about the facts of life. They warned
Her about going out and getting half-baked, so she wouldn't get
Accidentally mashed, and get a bad name for herself like ' Hot Potato,'
And end up with a bunch of Tater Tots.

Yam said not to worry, no Spud would get her into the sack and make a
Rotten potato out of her! But on the other hand she wouldn't stay home
And become a Couch Potato either
.
She would get plenty of exercise so as not to be skinny like her
Shoestring cousins.

When she went off to Europe , Mr. And Mrs. Potato told Yam to watch
Out for the hard-boiled guys from
Ireland. And the greasy guys from France called the French Fries. And
When she went out west, to watch out for the Indians so she wouldn't get
Scalloped.

Yam said she would stay on the straight and narrow and wouldn't
Associate with those high class Yukon Golds, or the ones from the other
Side of the tracks who advertise their trade on all the trucks that
Say, 'Frito Lay.'

Mr. And Mrs. Potato sent Yam to Idaho P.U. (that's Potato University)
So that when she graduated she'd really be in the Chips. But in spite
Of all they did for her, one-day Yam came home and announced she was
Going to marry Tom Brokaw .

Tom Brokaw! Mr. And Mrs. Potato were very upset. They told Yam she
Couldn't possibly marry Tom Brokaw because he's just.......

Are you ready for this?


OK! Here it is!

A COMMON TATER

[GreggC]

!!

[Ross]

"Here's one for Ross"

One of my favorites: Ron 'Tater Salad' White welcomes you to his official website

Nice diatribe, by the way

[Dorothy]

Ahoya hoya ...