The joke thread

[flhiker]

A guy walks into a bar, sits down, and asks,
"Bartender, got any specials today?"


Bartender answers, "Yes, as a matter of
Fact we have a new drink, invented by
A gynecologist patron of ours.



It's a mix of Pabst Blue Ribbon Beer and Smirnoff Vodka."


The guy asks, "Good grief, what do you call that?"


The bartender replied, "It's a "Pabst Smir."

[cb977]

in northern Idaho were listening to the radio during breakfast. They heard the announcer say "We are going to have 8 to 10 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the even-numbered side of the street, so the snowplows can get through." So the good wife went out and moved her car.

A week later while they are eating breakfast again, the radio announcer said, "We are expecting 10 to 12 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the odd-numbered side of the street, so the snowplows can get through." The good wife went out and moved her car again.

The next week they are again having breakfast, when the radio announcer says, "We are expecting 12 to 14 inches of snow today. You must park...." Then the electric power went out. The good wife was very upset, and with a worried look on her face she said "Honey, I don't know what to do. Which side of the street do I
need to park on so the snowplows can get through?"

With the love and understanding in his voice that all men who are married to blondes exhibit, the husband replied "Why don't you just leave it in the garage this time?"


Sorry but I just LOVE blonde jokes!

[Dorothy]

I wonder how a blonde would react to receiving a 'Pabst Smir'

[flhiker]

Good one D.

[flhiker]

John the farmer was in the fertilized egg business. He had
several hundred young layers (hens), called "pullets", and ten roosters,
whose job it was to fertilize the eggs.

The farmer kept records and any rooster that didn't perform went
into the soup pot and was replaced. That took an awful lot of his
time, so he bought a set of tiny bells and attached them to his
roosters. Each bell had a different tone so John could tell from a
distance, which rooster was performing. Now he could sit on the porch
and fill out his efficiency reports simply by listening to the
bells.

The farmer's favorite rooster was old Butch, a very fine specimen
he was, too. But on this particular morning John noticed old Butch's
bell hadn't rung at all! John went to investigate. The other
roosters were chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing. The pullets, hearing the
roosters coming, would run for cover. But to Farmer John's
amazement, old Butch had his bell in his beak, so it couldn't ring. He'd
sneak up on a pullet, do his job and walk on to the next one. John was
so proud of old Butch, he entered him in the Renfrew County Fair and
he became an overnight sensation among the judges.

The result...The judges not only awarded old Butch the No Bell
Piece Prize but they also awarded him the Pulletsurprise as well.

Clearly old Butch was a politician in the making: who else but
a politician could figure out how to win two of the mos t highly
coveted awards on our planet by being the best at sneaking up on the
populace and sc%*#ing them when they weren't paying attention.

Vote carefully...the bells are not always audible!

[Graehstone]

They were together in the house, just the two of them. It was a cold, dark, stormy night. The storm had come quickly and each time the thunder boomed he watched her jump. She looked across the room and admired his strong appearance...and wished that he would take her in his arms, comfort her and protect her from the storm. She wanted that...more than anything.
Suddenly, with a pop, the power went out. She screamed. He raced to the sofa where she was cowering. He didn't hesitate to pull her into his arms. He knew this was a forbidden union and expected her to pull back. He was surprised when she didn't resist but instead clung to him. The storm raged on...as did their growing passion. And there came a moment when each knew that they had to be together. They knew it was wrong. Their families would never understand.
So consumed they were in their passion that they heard no opening of doors...just the faint click of a camera.

[flhiker]

[/quote]

They even look guilty!

[flhiker]

Wanda's dishwasher quit working so she called a repairman. Since she had to go to work the next day, she told the repairman, "I'll leave the key under the mat. Fix the dishwasher, leave a bill on the counter, and I'll mail you a check."
Oh by the way don't worry abut my dog Spike. He won't bother you. But , whatever you do, do NOT, under ANY circumstances, talk to my parrot!" "I REPEAT; DO NOT TALK TO MY PARROT!!!"
When the repairman arrived at Wanda's apartment the following day, he discovered the biggest, meanest looking dog he has ever seen. But, just as she had said, the dog just lay there on teh carpet watching the repairman go about his work.
The parrot, however, drove him nuts the whole time with his incessant yelling, cursing and name calling. Finally the repairman couldn't contain himself any longer and yelled, "SHUT UP, YOU STUPID, UGLY BIRD!"
To which the parrot replied, "Get him, Spike!"
See Men just don't Listen!

[flhiker]

Once there was a little boy that lived way out in the country.
They had to use an outhouse, and the little boy hated it because it
was hot in the summer and cold in the winter and stunk all the time.

The outhouse was sitting on the bank of a creek and the boy determined
that one day he would push that outhouse into the creek.

One day after a spring rain, the creek was swollen, and the little boy
decided today was the day to push the outhouse into the creek.
So he got a large stick and started pushing. Finally, the outhouse
toppled into
the creek and floated away.

That night his dad told him they were going to the woodshed after
supper. Knowing that meant a spanking, the little boy asked why.

The dad replied,"Someone pushed the outhouse into the creek today. It
was you, wasn't it son?"

The boy answered yes. Then he thought a moment and said,"Dad,
I read in school today that George Washington chopped down a cherry tree
and
didn't get into trouble because he told the truth."

The dad replied, "Well, son, George Washington's father wasn't in the
cherry tree."

[cb977]

Originally Posted by flhiker

Wanda's dishwasher quit working so she called a repairman. Since she had to go to work the next day, she told the repairman, "I'll leave the key under the mat. Fix the dishwasher, leave a bill on the counter, and I'll mail you a check."
Oh by the way don't worry abut my dog Spike. He won't bother you. But , whatever you do, do NOT, under ANY circumstances, talk to my parrot!" "I REPEAT; DO NOT TALK TO MY PARROT!!!"
When the repairman arrived at Wanda's apartment the following day, he discovered the biggest, meanest looking dog he has ever seen. But, just as she had said, the dog just lay there on teh carpet watching the repairman go about his work.
The parrot, however, drove him nuts the whole time with his incessant yelling, cursing and name calling. Finally the repairman couldn't contain himself any longer and yelled, "SHUT UP, YOU STUPID, UGLY BIRD!"
To which the parrot replied, "Get him, Spike!"
See Men just don't Listen!